literature

My Despairing Raven

Deviation Actions

Justin-East's avatar
By
Published:
848 Views

Literature Text

My eyes fluttered.
"Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll see you tomorrow," I heard them sing.

The darkness thinned.
My eyes opened. I couldn't see myself. I was inside, surrounded by blinding lights. I was mad with fever. My body was burning up, and yet I was shuddering violently; only straps kept me from falling into the endless abyss. I felt the sweat pour down my sticky body and soak the bed. I was dressed in white linens…
Then faces appeared, speaking in a deep language I could not comprehend. Their voices were assuring and warm. But I could not see their faces.
I was shivering with fever, cold, and fear.
Was I dying?
Where was I?
Please, don't put the lights out!
I went mad with furious fever forfeiting reason. I snarled like a beast who could tolerate its cage no longer. My forehead and hair rained upon them. Spite and spit: My veins filled with it. I thought I'd burst.
"NO! NO! NO!" I cried in delirium whilst I thrashed back and forth. "I'm afraid of the Dark! Please, don't put me in the Dark!"
The fear turned to rage, burning my eyes red with rebellion. The outsiders watched me fight futilely.
And then, Rage crashed into the bottomless hell of Despair. My eyes cleared, and my head lolled to the right. Down the aisle, two beds over, I discerned a single face staring straight ahead: my heartbreaker, a regretful ghost of the past dressed in a hospital gown. Her face was blank and still. I called her name. My voiced grew louder and louder. I howled her name. And when she turned to me, my heart was stabbed with Despair again.
The faceless outsiders shook me. "It's not her!" they told me.
"She's looking at me," I cried back. "Please," I pleaded, "please, don't let her see me like this. I don't want her to see me like this! Please, leave me alone!"
"It's not her, okay? It's just some girl."
I collapsed into a whimper. I chanted to myself, "Please, please, please…"
And then, silence.
My heart beat: …darkness…darkness…darkness…

I opened my eyes. The faces were gone. The blinding lights were gone. I felt soothing warmth on my face. It was the morning sun. And it caressed my face, told me it was okay, and kissed my face with hope. A new sun had risen.
"I told you I'd see you tomorrow," said a soft voice to my right.
I turned to face her. Many moments passed before I rubbed my eyes. In the radiance of the Sun, I saw her: a cute girl who looked nothing like my heartbreaker. Her messy, uncombed, auburn hair caught the light so that it almost blinded me. I shielded my eyes from the beauty. Her slim figure came to me barefoot in nothing but a loose gown, a white robe, and the medical bands which dangled loosely about her slender palm.
"Hi," she said softly, her full pink lips making the word last. Her bottom lip had a small piercing that jingled a little. I wanted to reach up and touch it, feel those lips with the tips of my fingers, and more…
She sat in a chair beside my bed. I could now see her well. She was so pale, so very pale that I thought there was no life left in her; had the Sun never touched her as it was touching me now? I stared into her shimmering hazel eyes that looked so, so, so sad. She appeared to be a lost spirit trapped in a wintry storm that followed her everywhere and stole from her the beauty of a warm summer day. Our eyes met between the darkness and the light, and she smiled.
But I was still weak. The fever had sapped my strength. With every last ounce of strength and my will, I smiled back. And then as my eyes closed, I heard her whisper in my ear, "Tomorrow…"

I awoke not in a hospital bed but a small white cot. I found myself in a small room with clean white walls and Plexiglas windows. I wanted to sit up. Still, I had not regained my strength. I could only turn my head. And to my right, I saw her again: my sad, lost dove. My heart rose. She smiled.
And finally I took her into my arms and kissed her. I felt her cold face on mine. I felt the tiny ember in her heart and her lips warmed; the tiniest fire awoke within her soul. And I felt hope bloom into a fragile white flower drenched in the cold rains that were dying away finally. The winter was ending.
We became close. We became two halves of a whole heart: Fire and Ice. She had my heart, and I had hers. She had my warmth, and it flowed through her. Her warmth filled my nostrils. She became alive. Her wings began to flutter again. But her eyes remained so sad. My sad little dove… I loved her so, so, so much, but the winter would not end.
"What's wrong?" I asked one day.
"I'm sorry," she said, turning away from me. "I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve you. I am not a good person. I am just your shadow."
I tried to comfort her. I told her she deserved to be happy.
"No," she said, pushing me away. "You'll only walk in darkness if you follow me."
I shook my head. "I'll be your White Knight. I'll be the Sun shining through. I'll be your Hope."
But my sad dove turned into a despairing raven. She hugged me tight, and I told her I would always be there for her. I would always be her White Knight. She gave me one last sad smile and vanished down a dark alley where no lights shine, a slender figure in white, my fallen angel, the medical tags still dangling hopelessly from her forearm. She would never be rid of her pains. The ugly darkness took her away. My despairing raven was gone.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I shouted. Nothing but the hollow echo of my broken voice returned. I wept…
I turned away, sad but hopeful, clinging to that one hope that I'll see her again. I would never abandon her.
I wiped my tears away and sang. "Tomorrow, I'll see you tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll see you tomorrow."


I lived my life. The days were normal again. I never truly got over those days at the hospital. Her face, my sweet, sad dove, never remained very far from my thoughts.

Eventually, her memory consumed me—the heartbreak, the hope of tomorrow, all of it, until there were no more happy summer days. I walked alone in the cold until the days became hazy. My fire cooled, and now I walked in a shroud of black upon travel-worn boots that had taken me everywhere and nowhere. I was lost.
Truly lost…

One day, I received a phone call. I didn't recognize the number and I was tempted to ignore it. But something compelled my hand to lift the phone to my ear. "Hello," I said.
"William!" a voice cried. It was her voice, my sweet dove. She was frantic. Her voice choked. She called my name again. I asked her what was wrong. She screamed, "I need you! Help!" Suddenly her cries were cut short; the phone call ended. My entire body began to shake so uncontrollably I thought I might faint. I remained standing. Directionless and confused, I put on my old leather jacket—my knight's armor—and ran outside, down the road, and into the night. I ran. I ran. I ran until my body begged for respite. I was driven onward by the strength of my will and my love. I loved my lonely raven. I promised her. I keep my promises.
My heart led me to an old house that chilled my bones. The whole place stank of fear and despair—a true hell. I burst through the iron gates. As I ran up the huge steps leading to the massive double doors, I prayed. I said, "God, I don't know if you're there, but I need your help." I burst through the front doors. My arms were sliced by splinters. "Whatever sins I have committed, punish me." Again, I broke down a door. "I'll suffer now. I'll do whatever it takes, or pay any price, if you'll help me save her." Another door. More splinters pieced me. "Don't let her suffer anymore. Punish me. I'll take it all." I stopped to catch my breath. Wiping the blood from my face, I saw the final door, and behind it I heard her screams.
Through the door I went. I saw her cowering beneath the huge shape of man four times my size. And when he looked at me, I saw only darkness, and hate. This was a beast, a monster in the skin of a man.
I fought through the pain. I never stopped fighting. I hurled myself headfirst into Despair's belly. It consumed me with pain. I was afraid, but no matter how hard he tried to break me, I would not break. My will turned into iron that could not be bent by this beast of darkness. When the beast exhausted all its strength, the thing could not maintain itself. It grew small, transparent, and vanished like smoke swept away by a fresh breeze.
I ignored my wounds and went to her. She was crying, but happy too. I held her tight, kissing her neck, stroking her hair. I wiped away the tears and our lips embraced. I saved her: my sweet dove was mine again. "I told you I'd see you," I whispered, pressing my lips to her cool cheek. The heat of my soul almost burned her; it was so fierce, so wild.
"I wanted to see you again," she said. Her voice was music to my ears. "Just one more time. And you came for me when I despaired. You have made me very happy. But you have to go now."
I touched her cheek. "What do you mean? I can't leave you here. I'm going to save you."
"You have shown me what love is. But I am a Fallen Angel," she said to me, "a despairing raven. I'm sorry, but I cannot go with you. This is all I deserve."
"Why?" I asked. My voice quivered.
"As long as you walk with me you will never be free of the Darkness."
"But I will protect you."
"Hope is a burning spear that pierces my heart only. It does not love me. It does not hold me like you do. You need to go on without me. As long as you carry me, the Darkness will never vanish. It will consume us both. I can't go on. I can't survive in the Sun. I belong in the Darkness. I do not deserve to live under the light of Hope with you."
The Dark House began to roar; fate neared. As I walked away to see what was happening, the door shut behind me. I could see her sad face through the bars. "What are you doing?" I cried.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. I could hardly hear her speak. "Walk in the Light. I love you. But…I cannot go with you."
"You give me hope. You've given me a reason to live. You make me want to live."
"I'm sorry. This is not a world I can live in. I have to go. You must go on without me." And then she revealed a black dagger—the blade of despair, the worst death a person can suffer. She turned away from me.
"I can save you," I pleaded.
"No, no you can't. I am hollow and cold. I died a long time ago. I just…can't go on." She turned to me, her eyes full of frozen tears." I rammed the door over and over gain. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save her. My whole body was bruised; but the pain didn't matter. I was too weak to break the barriers that separated us. Despair gripped me. I couldn't fight anymore. I gave in. I gave in. Weeping, I said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
She reached through the bars to wipe away my tears. The medical tags hung there like reminders. I knew she would never be rid of her pain. She gave me one last sad smile and said, "No…you won't." And then she killed herself. Despair took her away from me. My sweet dove died a despairing raven and never spread her wings again.


Pressure…
"Come on, kid!"
Something heavy on my chest. Something pounding.
"Come on back, kid! You can do it!"
What's that?
"I think he's coming around…"
I opened my eyes.
Blinding lights. Black faces with deep, booming voices.
"Son, do you know where you are?" asked the closest face. It was a man's voice. He looked like a white giant.
I took a deep breath.

They told me she lost her battle with her demons while I watched outside helplessly. In my grief, I tried to beat down the door. I broke my hand. When the door gave in at last, I took her into my arms and wailed for what seemed like forever. Seeing no escape from my grief, I tried to take my own life. They saved me, though.
I turned my head. There, two bed downs, sat my sad dove as beautiful as she was when I first laid eyes on her. We both smiled. And then she was gone. Behind her lay a poor woman's shrunken body, her face deathly pale. A man in black stood beside her bed reciting passages from the Bible.

The only ember of her Hope was put out forever.
The Darkness put out her last ember of Hope forever. And then it came for me.
I never look back. I can feel Despair's icy breath on the back of my neck. It freezes my spine and hands. But my Hope burns its icy fingers when they tap my shoulder.
I could see a beautiful dove flying west, into the Sun's warmth…and Hope.
Tomorrow… Tomorrow…

Some time later…
A familiar face from long ago entered the room—my old heartbreak. I can't say I was thrilled to see her. She stood silently in the doorway, her eyes fixed on me. I continued staring at the floor.
Finally, I looked up at her. "Why are you here?" I asked, listlessly.
She shook her head. "I don't know why I'm here. I just…I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about…well, you know. It was very brave of you to try to save her. I'm here for you if you need anything."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I lost the only thing I needed."
"I'm really, really sorry."
"Don't be. I would have done the same for you."
www.facebook.com/JustinPIstre/

Have you ever had a dream so vivid you were sure it was real? You are literally walking through a dream and you don't know it.

This story is based on a dream I had a few weeks ago. It was so real and lasted so long that I believed I had traveled to another world. It was intense. I feel in love with a person that I never met and doesn't exist.
© 2010 - 2024 Justin-East
Comments12
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
cholie's avatar
Wow, what a stunning story! Something I'd definitely like to read over and over again.

As for vivid dreams, yes, all the time.